Bella Goes to the Phone Company

Here's a big woof to new follower "Taylor Swift." (That's what it says!) Whoo-hoo!

Today was errand day. The rule of thumb in San Pedro is not to have more than two errands in one day since it is considered all but impossible to get two things done. We tried for two. We accomplished one. The rule of thumb rules.

Putting my lipstick on.

First, we went to pay the electric bill. All in all, that shouldn't be a big deal, but then anything is easy once you know how to do it. (I'm quoting Shelley here. Now she adds, "Or if you can find someone else to do it!") We had a choice of paying the bill at a local bank, but the bank we generally use for the ATM doesn't allow you to make utility payments unless you have an account there. And you can't get an account there. Seriously. I suppose if you're born in Belize and can prove ancestry back to the mahogany cutters, you can get a local account. But gringos just have to keep working on their residency qualifications, which takes one year of living in the country with only 14 days outside of their borders. Oh well.

The second choice was going directly to the electric company office. The directions were as follows: 

"Do you know where 'The Greenhouse' produce store is on Middle Street?"
"Yeah."
"Well it's across from that."
"Across the street from 'The Greenhouse' is the liquor store with the big whiskey bottle sign."
"Uh, right, but sorta next to that."
"Oh, okay."

The electric company was located in a non-descript building not nearly as noticeable as the huge whiskey bottle. There we presented the bill, paid, received a receipt, and voila, we were done. Piece of cake. Running errands? Big deal.

On to errand number two, getting Internet services for the new apartment from Belize Telecommunications Limited located in the purple building next to the police station near the bridge.

The first question, understandably, was, "Where do you live?" Well, let's stop right there. There are no addresses around here. Tom's answer was, and this is pretty verbatim:

"Uh, we're in the middle apartment, number 3, next to BYC (the Belize Yacht Club) on the water in front of 'Changes in Latitude Patio Bar' near La Isla Grocery." 
"I thought that was part of BYC."
"No, they pulled out of the homeowner's association about five years ago."
"They did?"
"That's what we were told."
"Is that the building right on the water where David Mitchell lives?"
"Yeah, he's our neighbor."
"Oh, okay."


Then we got down to which plan." The dreaded Internet PLAN. 128K? 256K? 512K? 1 MB, 2 MB, 4MB? Standard HSI Plan? Home Fone Plan? HSI Plan? (Yes, phone is spelled "fone" here, even by the telephone company. I could care less, but Tom is an editor, and he visibly cringes.)

After half an hour or so we had the plan in place. Then it was time to total everything up. Uh, let's see, installation charges for Internet, installation charges for the fone, charges to get the special plan where you can call mobile phones from the fone at 15 cents instead of 85 cents a minute. (Yeah, you read that right.)

And then we got to the deposit: "Are you a resident?" 

"No, we've only been here a couple of months."

"No, problem. The deposit will be a thousand dollars."

"WHAT!"

I've bored you with enough details. Suffice it to say we hustled out of there, got in the golf cart, rounded up the landlady, went back with her to the telephone company, and put everything under her name! Internet should be installed on Monday--if they find the house.*

San Pedro, Ambergris Caye. My new hometown.

Y'all come visit. You can use the Internet at our house and tell everyone back home how beautiful it is here. You're gonna love Belize! 

* No Internet means no blog. Bear with me if I can't talk to you for a couple of days.